Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Day Two - This is Unacceptable


ONE POUND LOST

Here is what I get for breakfast and lunch today. Substantially more than yesterday.
Breakfast
Venti Starbucks Iced Black Tea
1 microwaved scrambled egg
1 slice Nature's Own Sugar Free Whole Grain bread
½ banana


Lunch

1 cup tuna
5 saltine crackers
Water

Here is my ridiculous dinner. This is not even remotely healthy. In fact, with all the sodium, how is this even going to work? The carrot medallions were disgusting. 




Dinner

2 beef franks
1 cup broccoli
½ cup sliced carrot
½ cup light vanilla yogurt
Water



Liquid intake: 20 ounces black tea, 100+ ounces water, ZERO ounces delicious beer.

Cookie Intake?
 ZERO BITCHES!

Calorie Intake and Nutrient Breakdown:



Sodium was a killer today. 

Monday, June 17, 2013

Three Day Tuna Diet ... lolz

My former boss sent me this diet a couple of weeks ago. She is tall and slender ... and lost 12 pounds in three days. From where, I don't know. Only that the scale reflected this so it happened. I  drank quite a bit Friday night and committed to trying it. Because I resemble a walrus. A cute walrus, but walrus nonetheless. And, because I haven't so much as stepped on a scale since September. But now it's summer and it's hot and I'm snoring and my poor adorable husband is sometimes sleeping in the guest room because of the snoring.

Starting Weight: TOO HIGH TO PUBLISH. Let's play pretend ... 102.8 ... substitute whatever number you like for the "0."  Eventually I'll fess up, but not today.

Liquid Total: 20 ounces unsweetened black tea, 84+ ounces plain water (it could be 100 but I'm not sure if I had that extra bottle at work. Lost count), ZERO ounces delicious beer, which is what makes life worth living. 

Breakfast
Black tea, coffee, or water
    Venti Starbucks iced black tea
Either juice or 1/2 grapefruit
    Obvs, half a grapefruit          
1 slice toast 
     Nature's Own, 100% Whole Grain Wheat Bread Sugar Free
1 tablespoon peanut butter
     Jiff's Natural Creamy Peanut Butter
Fuck it, I'm saving my slice of  toast and peanut butter for when I get h-angry this afternoon.
And I made it to 11:11 am for the snack.








Lunch
1 slice toast
     Nature's Own, 100% Whole Grain Wheat Bread Sugar Free
½ cup tuna
     3 oz. Bumblebee solid white albacore in water
     Plentiful amount of salt and pepper
     1/2 teaspoon of lemon juice because I'm not eating plain tuna from a can 
Coffee or Tea
     Water. Only water. Thanks. 
Seriously, I think I was supposed to eat twice this much tuna. Not really sure. 





I finally ate about 1:30 this afternoon. I forgot I quite like canned tuna. It's one of those things from my summer on hCG that I ate a lot of (well, not really a lot I think I could only have it occasionally) so I haven't eaten it since.





Dinner

3 oz. roasted chicken
     Only salt and pepper and a quick spray of Pam. Jesus.
1 cup green beans
     Allen's Cut Italian Green Beans, drained and rinsed, so there's no way that 600 grams of sodium is correct. 
1 cup carrot
     I hate carrots. I roasted, lightly salted, and peppered the hell out of them. Verdict? Not that bad actually. Like, unexpectedly decent tasting. How many veggies do I not like because I've never had them prepared properly? Fascinating. They are gross as all hell raw though. 
1 medium apple
     Braeburn
½ cup Vanilla Ice Cream
     This diet calls for 1/2 cup of vanilla ice cream. But I can't eat ice cream. I'm not lactose intolerant. I'm ice 
      cream intolerant. It doesn't make sense, and I can't find anything that explains it online. I'm not even sad 
      about it anymore. So I ate 1/2 cup Southern Home Light Vanilla Yogurt instead. 
Coffee or Tea
     No. Water. More water.


Daily Totals: Not bad! Not starving. Yet. The carbs are interesting here ... that apple and the carrots really tipped it I think.  And the sugar! Look at the sugar. The grapefruit and the apple just killed that daily goal. I thought apples were supposed to be perfect in every way? 


See you tomorrow! I have meetings all day, so it should be interesting to see when and how I suck down those two big cans of tuna. 

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

User Error



I posted a photo of my husband. My aunt really wanted to respond. 


Waves

I want wavy hair. Not curly hair. Not frizzy hair. Big Wavy. Beachy. Like this - I want it to look like this:


I just don't want to work really hard for it. Supposedly this person (above) flat irons her braids and gets waves. I call bullshit. That did not work at all for me.

I have curly hair. Little curls. Little waves. I've tried some things ... just decided this must be unattainable unless at the beach. Until I saw this.

http://www.littlemissmomma.com/2011/04/how-to-curl-your-hair-wavy-curls.html

It looked SO PROMISING. And the writer of this blog is beautiful, and her hair looks fab.

So last night I washed my hair, let it air dry, then braided it up nice and loose and slept on it.


Here's my hair after the braid. 

I'm concerned because I have my normal fluffy hair. And, the braid in no way settled things down. Nor did sleeping on it make it flat. This is exactly how my hair looks dried natural, or if I french braid it wet. It's disgustingly nice with no work, however, it will only look nice until one) I touch it, or two) I touch it.

But I've committed to these waves so I pull out my curling iron, and

Huh. Well, that actually worked. Long wavy goodness. I got really excited and proceed to the next hunk of hair.

Slight curl at bottom.

Oh. Well. Further trials indicated this was a no go. And I also suddenly remembered that this was exactly the way I used to straighten my hair in college pre-awesome-flatiron. Straighten. Not Wav-ify.

Here we are seven hours later. Hm. It actually looks like the first picture, but frizzier. I'm confused. Because I definitely do NOT like this look from the front.


I'm going to try this on my best friend's hair though.




Monday, February 11, 2013

Sharing Pictures


One of my aunts likes to share pictures. One day she posted a photo of a snake to my sister’s wall – and my sister texted me about it. I don’t like snakes, and my sister often shares snake pictures with me. I then asked my sister if she liked the horse and eagle one from the day before. She had not seen it. It’s possibly the perfect picture. 

Will YOU take your golden eagle for a horse ride today?


My Favorite Smurf: With updates!

It was actually only a matter of time before this post happened. You see, I'm not the most graceful smurf. I fall a lot, and it is generally 100% the fault of my shoes. I have, on more than one occasion, fallen off my shoes. I have missed steps that are clearly marked "Watch Your Step."

I have lost my balance and fallen to the bottom of my basement stairs. I have wiped out on a sidewalk and been laughing so hard about it I couldn't get back up for five minutes. I once tripped over a phone cord while on the phone. I have fallen off my too tall heels while giving a presentation in front of 100 insurance employees and kept right on going. That's sort of my trademark actually. I fall, but I get right back up and keep going ...

The worst of my damage has been a busted knee. Or extreme rug burn. Not even embarrassment because I'm SO USED to falling down.

Yesterday was different. Yesterday I was leaving a meeting, rushing a little because I was a few minutes behind and going to a new doctor about my ongoing sinus issues. I hit the top of the steps, grabbed the rail, promptly lost my balance, and fell down the steps, somehow dragging my right foot under me the whole way down. I then came to a stop by using my left elbow as a brake.

I quickly put my shoe back on and hobbled to my car and raced on to the doctor.

Of course I noticed my foot hurt. But I didn't have a choice did I. I had waited a month for this appointment. I checked in. Then pulled my sock off to see why it burned.


This doesn't even do it justice. They gave me an ice pack and as I was settling in to wait to be called, a guy leaned over and said, "Ma'am? Your elbow is bleeding."

Sigh.

My brand new doctor told me, "you'll live." 





Today, I had to wear tennis shoes to work, unlaced, because my stupid swollen foot wouldn't fit into any other shoe. I hate wearing tennis shoes.

Tonight, I will drink beers. That's really all there is for it.

EDIT 2/11/13

Foot on Saturday. Note the matching of the bruising to my blue toenail polish. It's a great look.



Foot on Monday. It's really getting better.

EDIT 2/21/13: Except it isn't getting better. I mean, it is. But I still can't wear shoes, and I'm really missing my boots. It IS winter.





It won't rotate. Sorry.




Thursday, February 7, 2013

Posting Mistakes



My sister posted this hilarious meme about Tim Tebow. Neither of us are Elizabeth, although she could be talking about our hair because the aunts are oddly attached to our hair. Which is a weird visual.