Waves

I want wavy hair. Not curly hair. Not frizzy hair. Big Wavy. Beachy. Like this - I want it to look like this:

I just don't want to work really hard for it. Supposedly this person (above) flat irons her braids and gets waves. I call bullshit. That did not work at all for me.

I have curly hair. Little curls. Little waves. I've tried some things ... just decided this must be unattainable unless at the beach. Until I saw this.

http://www.littlemissmomma.com/2011/04/how-to-curl-your-hair-wavy-curls.html

It looked SO PROMISING. And the writer of this blog is beautiful, and her hair looks fab.

So last night I washed my hair, let it air dry, then braided it up nice and loose and slept on it.

Here's my hair after the braid. 

I'm concerned because I have my normal fluffy hair. And, the braid in no way settled things down. Nor did sleeping on it make it flat. This is exactly how my hair looks dried natural, or if I french braid it wet. It's disgustingly nice with no work, however, it will only look nice until one) I touch it, or two) I touch it.

But I've committed to these waves so I pull out my curling iron, and

Huh. Well, that actually worked. Long wavy goodness. I got really excited and proceed to the next hunk of hair.

Slight curl at bottom.

Oh. Well. Further trials indicated this was a no go. And I also suddenly remembered that this was exactly the way I used to straighten my hair in college pre-awesome-flatiron. Straighten. Not Wav-ify.

Here we are seven hours later. Hm. It actually looks like the first picture, but frizzier. I'm confused. Because I definitely do NOT like this look from the front.

I'm going to try this on my best friend's hair though.

My Favorite Smurf: With updates!

It was actually only a matter of time before this post happened. You see, I'm not the most graceful smurf. I fall a lot, and it is generally 100% the fault of my shoes. I have, on more than one occasion, fallen off my shoes. I have missed steps that are clearly marked "Watch Your Step."

I have lost my balance and fallen to the bottom of my basement stairs. I have wiped out on a sidewalk and been laughing so hard about it I couldn't get back up for five minutes. I once tripped over a phone cord while on the phone. I have fallen off my too tall heels while giving a presentation in front of 100 insurance employees and kept right on going. That's sort of my trademark actually. I fall, but I get right back up and keep going ...

The worst of my damage has been a busted knee. Or extreme rug burn. Not even embarrassment because I'm SO USED to falling down.

Yesterday was different. Yesterday I was leaving a meeting, rushing a little because I was a few minutes behind and going to a new doctor about my ongoing sinus issues. I hit the top of the steps, grabbed the rail, promptly lost my balance, and fell down the steps, somehow dragging my right foot under me the whole way down. I then came to a stop by using my left elbow as a brake.

I quickly put my shoe back on and hobbled to my car and raced on to the doctor.

Of course I noticed my foot hurt. But I didn't have a choice did I. I had waited a month for this appointment. I checked in. Then pulled my sock off to see why it burned.

This doesn't even do it justice. They gave me an ice pack and as I was settling in to wait to be called, a guy leaned over and said, "Ma'am? Your elbow is bleeding."

Sigh.

My brand new doctor told me, "you'll live." 

Today, I had to wear tennis shoes to work, unlaced, because my stupid swollen foot wouldn't fit into any other shoe. I hate wearing tennis shoes.

Tonight, I will drink beers. That's really all there is for it.

EDIT 2/11/13

Foot on Saturday. Note the matching of the bruising to my blue toenail polish. It's a great look.

Foot on Monday. It's really getting better.

EDIT 2/21/13: Except it isn't getting better. I mean, it is. But I still can't wear shoes, and I'm really missing my boots. It IS winter.

It won't rotate. Sorry.

Good Intentions

I have a cute pug-shaped chalkboard on the door to my office. When I first got it, I used it to leave messages as to my whereabouts and announcements I had. Soon people were leaving me messages or drawing cute things for me.Then I started finding fun things online and started doing more inspirational boards like this one:

I liked this one so much I Instagrammed it. 

Anyway, I pinned this one in December and was psyched to replicate it for my board as soon as 2013 rolled around. 

It stayed in place about three days before someone (oh I know who) changed it to this:

Because that person ran into an actual work situation in which she had to say, "Don't feed the goats." I liked this actually; it was far more appropriate for my sense of humor. Then last week happened. Many awful things occurred and a different co-worker said you know, "today is pretty bad but at least it can't eat us."

Late that same night, I discovered my goat feeding co-worker had posted this on facebook:

So while she was in an important meeting being elected President of a regional council, I sent her this one:

I got this back:

Velociraptors in the Workplace

It begins on Pinterest. A funny sign about Velociraptors in the Workplace. How they are not allowed. How many days since an incident.

I make my own and post in the ladies.

Unexpected results: I drafted a mock policy and procedure for reporting velociraptor incidents because I was immediately deluged with reports, both true and false.

Example A: Employee verbally attacked her supervisor. The attack was reported by the supervisor and strangely, verified by the attacking employee. This was deemed a true report and the count was set back to zero.

Example B: Popcorn was consumed in a non-popcorn approved location. This was deemed not an attack, just extraordinarily rude.

I'm lucky to work with people who have excellent senses of humor.

Tell me, what would velociraptor incidents look like in your home or office? How many days do you think you can go?

You will probably fail that drug test

That's what I told the guy who told me I looked like an aging, balding, male rock star on New Year's Eve.

I'll be honest, I was still so flattered by the first part - being told I look like a rock star - that it took a minute to register the slam. Fucker. 

He was very concerned about passing a drug test this week for a job. A job with a carpet mill; the very carpet mill he had as his first choice place of employment when he completed a degree at a local community college. He told us his dad refused to give him clean pee for his test. So he bought some synthetic pee and something called a whizanator. He was pretty anxious about the situation.

When the topic came up again, I shrugged and said, "I just don't think you're going to pass that test."

EDIT 1/23/13: He passed the drug test. I'm shocked at how disappointed I am. 

2013

It wasn't a bad year. It was pretty good. However, on the last day of the year someone told me I looked like a rock star. I was thrilled and flattered. Then he said, "you know - like Bret Michaels."

I obviously need to cut my hair.