User Error

I posted a photo of my husband. My aunt really wanted to respond. 

Waves

I want wavy hair. Not curly hair. Not frizzy hair. Big Wavy. Beachy. Like this - I want it to look like this:

I just don't want to work really hard for it. Supposedly this person (above) flat irons her braids and gets waves. I call bullshit. That did not work at all for me.

I have curly hair. Little curls. Little waves. I've tried some things ... just decided this must be unattainable unless at the beach. Until I saw this.

http://www.littlemissmomma.com/2011/04/how-to-curl-your-hair-wavy-curls.html

It looked SO PROMISING. And the writer of this blog is beautiful, and her hair looks fab.

So last night I washed my hair, let it air dry, then braided it up nice and loose and slept on it.

Here's my hair after the braid. 

I'm concerned because I have my normal fluffy hair. And, the braid in no way settled things down. Nor did sleeping on it make it flat. This is exactly how my hair looks dried natural, or if I french braid it wet. It's disgustingly nice with no work, however, it will only look nice until one) I touch it, or two) I touch it.

But I've committed to these waves so I pull out my curling iron, and

Huh. Well, that actually worked. Long wavy goodness. I got really excited and proceed to the next hunk of hair.

Slight curl at bottom.

Oh. Well. Further trials indicated this was a no go. And I also suddenly remembered that this was exactly the way I used to straighten my hair in college pre-awesome-flatiron. Straighten. Not Wav-ify.

Here we are seven hours later. Hm. It actually looks like the first picture, but frizzier. I'm confused. Because I definitely do NOT like this look from the front.

I'm going to try this on my best friend's hair though.

Sharing Pictures

One of my aunts likes to share pictures. One day she posted a photo of a snake to my sister’s wall – and my sister texted me about it. I don’t like snakes, and my sister often shares snake pictures with me. I then asked my sister if she liked the horse and eagle one from the day before. She had not seen it. It’s possibly the perfect picture. 

Will YOU take your golden eagle for a horse ride today?

My Favorite Smurf: With updates!

It was actually only a matter of time before this post happened. You see, I'm not the most graceful smurf. I fall a lot, and it is generally 100% the fault of my shoes. I have, on more than one occasion, fallen off my shoes. I have missed steps that are clearly marked "Watch Your Step."

I have lost my balance and fallen to the bottom of my basement stairs. I have wiped out on a sidewalk and been laughing so hard about it I couldn't get back up for five minutes. I once tripped over a phone cord while on the phone. I have fallen off my too tall heels while giving a presentation in front of 100 insurance employees and kept right on going. That's sort of my trademark actually. I fall, but I get right back up and keep going ...

The worst of my damage has been a busted knee. Or extreme rug burn. Not even embarrassment because I'm SO USED to falling down.

Yesterday was different. Yesterday I was leaving a meeting, rushing a little because I was a few minutes behind and going to a new doctor about my ongoing sinus issues. I hit the top of the steps, grabbed the rail, promptly lost my balance, and fell down the steps, somehow dragging my right foot under me the whole way down. I then came to a stop by using my left elbow as a brake.

I quickly put my shoe back on and hobbled to my car and raced on to the doctor.

Of course I noticed my foot hurt. But I didn't have a choice did I. I had waited a month for this appointment. I checked in. Then pulled my sock off to see why it burned.

This doesn't even do it justice. They gave me an ice pack and as I was settling in to wait to be called, a guy leaned over and said, "Ma'am? Your elbow is bleeding."

Sigh.

My brand new doctor told me, "you'll live." 

Today, I had to wear tennis shoes to work, unlaced, because my stupid swollen foot wouldn't fit into any other shoe. I hate wearing tennis shoes.

Tonight, I will drink beers. That's really all there is for it.

EDIT 2/11/13

Foot on Saturday. Note the matching of the bruising to my blue toenail polish. It's a great look.

Foot on Monday. It's really getting better.

EDIT 2/21/13: Except it isn't getting better. I mean, it is. But I still can't wear shoes, and I'm really missing my boots. It IS winter.

It won't rotate. Sorry.

Posting Mistakes

My sister posted this hilarious meme about Tim Tebow. Neither of us are Elizabeth, although she could be talking about our hair because the aunts are oddly attached to our hair. Which is a weird visual. 

 

And

Raise your hand if you want to know what happened two minutes ago! I don't recognize the handwriting. It's KILLING me.

A Red Squiggly Line Under a Word Means It’s Spelled Wrong

Translation: I was in Vegas when you were that age Avery, beautiful little girl; your family came and picked my husband and I up and went to your home at the base. A jet had crashed on the runway the day before, the pilot parachuted out safe. I have pictures of your family in front of our hotel. Love you, hope you are doing well with your back. 

Note: my cousin’s name is not Avery, or anything remotely like the word Avery. Maybe I have another cousin named Avery? It's completely possible.

Second Note: I think she thinks “Picture” is actually spelled “Pitcure.” Because it has never been spelled right, not ever.

Punctuation is Important

This gem was posted by one of my Great Aunts, on my mom’s wall. My mom doesn’t discuss bodily functions ever. However, my great aunts always ALWAYS have. As teenagers my sister and I would howl with laughter on the way home from a visit as we counted the incidents of poo and gas mentioned. 

So you can understand how this post, with no punctuation, sent to my mom while she had a stomach bug could be misinterpreted. How *I* and everyone else read it:

I hope you are better today, no gas to come. See about you, love you, and worry about you.

How it was intended:

I hope you are better today. No gas[oline] to come see about you. Love you and worry about you.

Punctuation is important.